I HATE his friend, need help dealing with their friendship and having to have her in my life?

Question by Charma: I HATE his friend, need help dealing with their friendship and having to have her in my life?
Okay so, I’ve been with my boyfriend for just over a year. He is good friends with a couple. The guy is ok but the girl is a bitch! On our first date, the girl called him while i sat there over my carbonara, not knowing where to put myself while he spoke to her and her kids for ten minutes! I think she is jealous, cus he was single for so long before and he used to go to her house every week for tea. She had ‘been there for him’ while he split up with his ex, and they formed a really close relationship.

The first time I went to her house, she was very rude to me, asking me if the age gap bothered me (he is ten years older than me) and then saying ‘maybe it would help if i went travelling, as it is character building!” I could not believe the rudeness. She never made me feel welcome, she was unfriendly. She did not show any interest in me at all. But she bought me a xmas present and my boyfriend could NOT understand where i was coming from. He was adament that she was genuine and did not have a problem with me. This infuriated me. He even asked me one time, not to wear anything revealing to her house, so as not to upset her.

Another time we went to her house (they never visit us) her boyfriend said to me ‘to be honest we weren’t sure of you at first, but now think you’re ok”. To be fair, he has tried to be friendly towards me. Another reason, she may not like me is she is very insecure and my boyfriend even admits she is a jealous and insecure woman around her man.

The other thing is, that we have a big group of mutual friends, and none of them like her. She has been described as ‘manipulative, not genuine, cold and insecure’, I really don;t understand how he can like her so much, when everyone else can see what she is like. My other friend says my boyfriend ‘knows how to deal with her’. But why does he want to. It does hurt me that she means so much to him. It feels like she means more to him than i do.

New years eve was the worst (we have not seen them yet since, but i know he speaks to her regularly and sooner or later we will have to go to her house again).. Anyway what happened NYE is that we were invited to her house to a ‘house party’. When we got there i found my boyfriend had lied, it was not a party it was just her, her partner, her best friend and their kids. So her and her best friend were chatting all night and i was left with the guys. I never felt so uncomfortable in all my life. I ended up in tears, wanting to go home. It caused the biggest row ever and actually led us to split up for a couple of weeks. He totally denied any ‘funniness’ on her part and could not see why i felt uncomforable in this situation, despite being toally ignored and left out.

It makes me feel like he puts her feelings and her needs before mine. I wonder whether he has some kind of feelings for her or whether his feelings for me can be as strong as he says if he cannot understand how this makes me feel. I am friends with her on facebook and it makes me feel really uncomfortable knowing she is privvy to all my info, but i can’t delete her or it will look like i am making trouble.

It does occupy my mind alot, and i can’t stand it. Maybe i am being paranoid or insecure about their friendship? Either way, I really need some help knowing how to deal with this.
Thank u everyone. Well when we split up after new years eve, i asked him if there were any feelings with her etc. He said not. We do not have any other trust issues. My insecurity can rear it’s head at times. I think maybe i am slightly jealous of their friendship. But since the arguements, 8 months ago, i have not actually seen them and he has only seen them on a night out. So he has taken on board and i think he wised up to it or at least took my concerns into account.

We will prob never get on and i will be wary of her. But he loves me and i love him. Our relationship is fantastic, he is the only guy who i have ever trusted and really wanted it to work out. We can talk about things so i will just see how it goes. I guess so far so good. And every relationship has some difficult relationships (inlaws or whatever)! We will get through it. Thanks again xx

Best answer:

Answer by LemonZest
Try talk to her?

Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!

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