I need advise from young people my daughter age ?

Question by isotope2007: I need advise from young people my daughter age ?
My daughter is mid 20′s. I raised her and my son as a single parents, I was in an accident and partially disabled when they were 8 and 9, their father my husband and I separated and he moved in with his mother. He never paid a cent in child support and started drinking and became an alcoholic, and recreational drug user. The police removed him from our home because he was abusing me and the children which is how the separation came about. He was charged with assaulting his son and placed on probation for 2 years.

I never prevented him from seeing the children, never prevented or discouraged them from phoning him etc. Most of the time he didnt show up to visit them because he was drunk or forgot or didnt care. I always told the kids he loved them and that getting a divorce didnt mean divorcing the kids. I never told them he was drunk or didnt care to visit them I told them he had been called into work.

Now he is back in their lives, apparently sober and he has poisoned their minds against me, saying I wouldnt let him see them, saying I was the one who was an alcoholic and abused them – telling them he did pay child support and I spent it all on alcohol and drugs.

Everyday as a single disabled parent was a struggle, but I didnt see it as a sacrifise, I love my kids with all my heart and would do anything I could for them. As my health and disability has worsened I have become deeper and deeper in financial straits. I have never asked my kids for money or help, but I did end up living in my car for awhile until I could find a place I could afford. Neither suggested I could live with them. They are both in their 20′s now.

My exe, their father buys them expensive presents, takes them on holidays, and they act as if he is some kind of hero. I have never and would never hurt my kids, I dont drink, never have. Dont do drugs, never would.

I have grandsons I never see, I never saw the youngest until he was 8 months old and now I am not “allowed” to see him because of this alleged alcohol drug problem and the stories about me abusing the kids.

I have offered to show them the court papers, medical reports and letters from my Dr saying I DONT drink or do drugs, their medical histories, papers from Child Services saying he was investigated for child abuse and charged, and the police reports.

They just say they dont want to see them — what can I do? I buy them birthday presents, and xmas presents and leave them in their mailboxes, presents for my grandsons and I have left letters begging them to talk to me, go for family counseling with me, anything !

My heart is broken, my family was my life, my reason for going on after my accident, my joy, my heart, my soul – I loved my kids! I loved spending time with them, I encouraged them and supported them and told them everyday how much they were loved and valued and wanted.

I never ever dreamed I would end up alone and an outcast from my family. I havent spoken to my son in 16 months now. My oldest grandson was in my life until the childrens father returned, he is 10 yrs old and not allowed to speak to me now. He told me once I was the “fun grandma” and we did have so much fun together —

Does anyone have an ideas? The last time I left a letter in my daughters malbox she phoned the police and said I was harssing her. My exe, their father phoned me at 3 AM and said if you really do love your kids like you say you do the best and kindest thing you can do for them is kill yourself and get the f*** out of their lives forever.

I just had a mini stroke and I have a feeling I wont live much longer, and honestly I really dont want to anyhow if I cant see my kids and grandchildren, I just dont know what to do anymore …
I was not a perfect mother and I dont claim to have been, no one is perfect. I was in a lot of pain a lot of the time. There were a lot of things my kids had to do without, but I never harmed them, abused them etc
I never said a word against their father because I wanted them to feel they had a father who loved them. As they got older and wiser and insisted on answers I told them even adults can make choices that dont seem to make sense but he is your father, he loves you even though right now he is having a hard time showing it but he does love you, dont ever doubt that and some day he will realize how important you are but for now all you can do it wait for that to happen.

I was a Family and Youth Counselor and I know how critical it is for children to feel their parents love them and care about them. How much they need that security in their lives so they can have productive lives themselves and love themselves.

I have prayed and prayed that God will enter their hearts – I just want so badly to see my little grandson again and hold him. He is so amazing. I want to talk to my older grandson and laugh with him again and tell him how much I love him.
Some of you think there has to be something I am not saying, you would think so wouldnt you? Because it just doesnt make sense that this would happen, but there is nothing I assure you. My friends dont understand why this is happening, or others who know me and who I am, no one can understand WHY the kids are letting their father influence them like this.
It would actually be easier if there WAS something more then I could apologize or do whatever was needed to “make ammends”

Best answer:

Answer by TMAC
I feel sorry for you lady. This is time for a personal inventory. Time to get honest with yourself. I’m sure you’re not an angel like you say. Now is their fathers’ time with them. Let them have that. If you really love your kids you will be happy that they have a dad in their life today.
It sound like your letting the past drive you life. That’s kind of like pissing away today. You say that your dying. Enjoy the present. It is right now / not yesterday. Maybe it is time for you to understand that your kids are moving on, why not you………

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